When the lockdown continued and schools were shut down, I got time (may be more) to spend with my child and observe her needs.
1. Time:
Who doesn't want time? The more time you give them, the more confident they grow. Spend time with them. When the lockdown extended, I thought some screen time will let my daughter happy. I was wrong!! She likes spending more time with me. Whenever I let her watch some cartoons on laptop, while I was doing some chores, she always asks me when will I finish my work. Even the reason behind her crankiness is, not spending enough time with her in a day.
2. Touch:
Our antropology says, we have an animal nature in expression of love, that is by touch. The important communication between parents and child in the early ages. Appropriate touch like hug, pat on the back, can speak more than words.
3. Trust:
I don't believe parents should be with kids in every situation. However, when they truly need parents, parents should be there to count on. When your kid come and say "my friend broke my toy", how many of you questioned " what did you do first?". Yes it is the first question we ask them, which gives them a message 'I am not trusting you'. When they jump off the sofa and get hurt, we say "I said, you will break your leg, don't jump here after" intead of " Careful". Is it how we show our trust? Show the trust you have, as a parent you know where to draw the line between adventure and danger!
4. Security:
Many incidents happening around us, which made parents trust no one(sometimes father/mother also). Physical, psychological and sexual security are needed. When ever a kid gets hurt psychologically or physically their first go-to must be his/her parents. If a child thinks, 'my problem makes no sense to my parents', is it not a parenting failure?
5. Positive environment:
Imagine the situation of parents always fighting with each other or bad mouthing about others, those are never positive signs for kids. Kids always learn from how parents behave/talk, not what parents taught them. Using bad words, or bad behaviour around them should not be allowed. Because we are producing next generation, we need to filter some of our core opinions or behaviours which may cause damage to them. But the saddest part is even the parents don't know their behaviour will cause adverse effects. I will discuss this point in some other time. As of know, we need to give the kids happy childhood, without any childhood traumas. I know a girl whose parents used to fight infront of her daily in her childhood. The fight between them may be small one and they may compromise after that, however the child couldn't forget the incident. As she grew she always had trust issues with every person she met.
6. Story:
I think story telling will be most effective communication with children. Usually I summarise my child's behavior in a day and I give ideas, or suggestions or sometimes the results through stories. Seehere for how story time worked for me kid.
I accept parenting is not one-size-fit-for-all. There will be mistakes, there will be warm moments, there will be adventures, there will be don't know what to do times. But as a parent we wanted to give best to children. Try to include the above list along with what you give.
