WHY ANCHOR WHY??

Disclaimer: This post is not to hurt anyone's feeling, there are my thoughts.

Recently I went for a birthday function. When my daughter is playing with some other kids there, one lady, she is the anchor of that function, called all kids and asked to dance. Kids forgot to play and started to dance according to the music. 

After that she made them played some games like bring a selfie with your mother, spell a tongue twister,hold-your-balloon-poke-others-balloon types of games.After that she made us to play game, dance to the tune.Of course everyone smiled& enjoyed that moment. 

But after the function and we came back home,my enjoyable moments are disappeared.

Even my daughter is not really satisfied with what they have done. She remembers only the part they played individually.

Even we friends didn't talk about it much. The girl who lost her track on 'tongue twister' game was embarrassed. The dad who didn't fast to the final point seemed uneasy. The mom who didn't want to dance gradually came back of the group after 1 song. 

Until then the gentleman gang were happy in their "politics"(office,state,country) discussion, women were happy in chit-chatting, most important children were playing in thier own world(Not disturbing their mothers ofcourse). I don't know why these 'Anchor-in-a-party-is mandatory' trend became viral, I am not judging their capability to run a program on track.

However when I brush my childhood memories, I remembered an incident. When i was in 5 th class I went for a relative wedding, whom i didn't know till then. I thought it would be boring day ever. Luckily I befreinded a girl from groom's side, played with her, talked with her, made some funny weird rules to play plastic-glass-jumping game. I still remember the fun that day.

Another incident, happend when we went to attend another Pooja in some relatives home. All the elders went into some chores, talks. I sat with my cousins and we spoke to life. 

I remember the "close-relationship talks" during all my childhood. Till today I remember the games & time spent during the festivals, functions, marriages, even mournings(Yes we played&joked around during my grandma's death)

The thing I wanted to say is, we used to talk, play, fight,whatnot everything except going to parents, watch TV/mobile. Even today when we meet I don't think we will be on our phones.

As for my next generation considered, most of them are forgetting how to play by themselves. During my childhood, we used to feel its an insult to go to an elder for idea.

Now-a-days kids are coming to their Mom or Dad to ask what they should play. Fortunately,some kids who are becoming leaders for this type of gang and they are showing a direction to play/talk.

Destructing the left creativity in children, I feel these anchors are not letting them playthe games.

I understand for a corporate event or an event with large number of people, they need an anchor, but why birthday parties, family functions?

We are friends& family right! We dont need another person to force us to talk,dance or play. We can do it by ourselves. 

Our kids dont need anyone to direct what to do especially in functions, marriages. They can& they should think of themselves. 

We already destroyed their creative ability, playing ability when they are alone at home,by giving mobile phone in hand. Why to destroy when the other kids are around?

Children need children to play, and they don't need instructions. 

For 6 or 8 hours in school they are under teacher's control, after that they wil be under our control, sometimes they need to be free.

How many of us felt uncomfortable when we go to our relatives/friends house? We need to adjust according to their lifestyle, their timings, as soon as we come home, we feel free.

We can enjoy there, still we will be under some conditions.

I feel the same when anchor does something.

If we had given time to talk with others obviously fun is on the way.

This makes me think of another way! Are we not talking to others so that some other person has to come and make us talk? 

POWER OF BOREDOM

In today's fast-paced world filled with screens, activities, and constant stimulation, boredom might seem like an unwelcome guest. However, upon closer examination, boredom emerges not as a foe but as a valuable ally in a child's development. This article delves into the significance of boredom in children's lives, its benefits, and practical ways to leverage it for their growth and creativity.

The Nature of Boredom:

Boredom is often misunderstood as mere idleness or lack of stimulation. In reality, it's a complex emotional state characterized by a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from a lack of interest or challenge in one's surroundings. While it may seem like a negative experience, boredom serves a crucial purpose in cognitive and emotional development.

Benefits of Boredom:

1. Stimulates Creativity: When children are bored, their minds are free to wander and explore new ideas. Without external distractions, they're more likely to tap into their imagination and come up with innovative solutions to entertain themselves.

2. Fosters Self-Reflection: Boredom provides an opportunity for introspection. Children can reflect on their interests, goals, and emotions, leading to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

3. Encourages Independence: In the absence of structured activities, children learn to rely on themselves for entertainment. This fosters independence and self-reliance, valuable skills that will serve them well throughout life.

4. Enhances Problem-Solving Skills: When faced with boredom, children are motivated to find ways to alleviate it. Whether it's building a fort with household items or inventing a new game, they exercise their problem-solving abilities and resourcefulness.

5. Promotes Resilience: Dealing with boredom teaches children that not every moment needs to be filled with excitement or entertainment. They learn to tolerate discomfort and boredom, building resilience in the face of challenges.

Harnessing the Power of Boredom:

1. Create Unstructured Time: Allow children to have periods of unstructured time where they're free to explore and play without specific instructions or agendas.

2. Provide Open-Ended Toys and Materials: Offer toys and materials that encourage open-ended play and creativity, such as blocks, art supplies, or outdoor exploration tools.

3. Limit Screen Time: Excessive screen time can diminish a child's tolerance for boredom and hinder their ability to engage in imaginative play. Set reasonable limits on screen time to encourage other forms of entertainment.

4. Encourage Outdoor Play: Nature provides endless opportunities for exploration and discovery. Encourage children to spend time outdoors, where they can engage their senses and connect with the world around them.

5. Be a Boredom Role Model: Children often mimic the behavior of adults. Show them that it's okay to embrace boredom by modeling healthy ways to cope with it, such as reading, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying quiet moments of reflection.

Boredom is not something to be feared or avoided but embraced as a natural part of childhood. By understanding its benefits and providing opportunities for unstructured play and exploration, parents and caregivers can help children harness the power of boredom to foster creativity, independence, and resilience, laying the foundation for a lifetime of learning and growth.

THE POWER OF NO

On the otherday when I was in shopping, I saw a mother and son duo doing their grocery shopping. Their kart is full of groceries, home decor, biscuits etc.

In the stationery section, the son saw a small cute book of Rs.15 worth. He asked his mother , she said delibratly a NO, "why do you want all these?" She was very furious. The little boys face went very sad and angry, immediately he shouted at her and started to cry.

This reminded something of me few years ago. When we go some where or when we are at home also I used to say "NO" frequently. Unconciously I used to say. Whatever she does or asks I say NO.

When she jumps from bed, I say No

When she asks for a toy, I say No

When she throws something on the floor, I say No

When she asks for some water for painting, I say No

I used to say No just because what if she spills, made dirty, hurt herself, asks more costly items, destroys a good toy, these were my concerns. However the response NO, increased her tantrums.

She thought of I am resisting her every desire and made an impression that I always say No to anything.

One day I read an amazing book called " Your child is your parent" written by Manoj J Lekhi.

This book discuss about YES Parenting. This book has changed my way of talking to my child. Unconsciously I did more No than Yes. For her small tasks, small desires I started saying yes.

If she spills something or if she is trying to break a toy, made dirty, asks something costly I stopped saying No, and giving a reaction. Took 2,3 seconds gap and made my reaction accordingly with a normal tone.

If she asks for some flour to make a dough, or she wants to help in kitchen, I wouldnt deny her because she will lose her enthusiasm. Similarly for things like helping in kitchen with shelf organisation, running around the house, she may get hurt or make mess, but its not more than her joy.

If she asks for a toy, I say "Yes..but...." or "Yes..Instead you can choose..."

This kind of change in vocabulary made her tantrums less.

 I found what triggers her more. During shopping, if she asks for a less amount of thing like a 10rs notepad, or 50rs stickey notes I started to say yes. I know it will go waste, but when compared to her tantrum, it is better.

I am not saying to buy everything they want. But saying yes to small things periodically, will change their mindset and decrease their tantrums.

If you think anyway your house will be mess, then there is no problem of giving them some pulses for her play kitchen.

If you think that 50Rs won't change your budget much then there is no problem of having one more cellotape.

If you think the kid didn't had an ice-cream from a long time, whats is the problem of taking her to an ice-cream parlour.

After all they are kids! They are messy, loud, speak their mind.

Moreover, the kids are more intelligent than you. If you say no and because of their tantrum, you say yes, which gives them a signal that "my parents have a breakpoint and I need to crack it"

This is what we dont need. As a parent we need to have our power for our NO.

Even we say No, we need to say that in a normal voice, that why you cant give that and replacement for their desire.

My intension is not saying Yes or No everytime. It differs from family to family.

Know your child, know their triggers, know their mentality. Make an impression that yes means yes, no means no.

No yes after a no

No no after an yes.

Happy motherhood!!