WHY ANCHOR WHY??

Disclaimer: This post is not to hurt anyone's feeling, there are my thoughts.

Recently I went for a birthday function. When my daughter is playing with some other kids there, one lady, she is the anchor of that function, called all kids and asked to dance. Kids forgot to play and started to dance according to the music. 

After that she made them played some games like bring a selfie with your mother, spell a tongue twister,hold-your-balloon-poke-others-balloon types of games.After that she made us to play game, dance to the tune.Of course everyone smiled& enjoyed that moment. 

But after the function and we came back home,my enjoyable moments are disappeared.

Even my daughter is not really satisfied with what they have done. She remembers only the part they played individually.

Even we friends didn't talk about it much. The girl who lost her track on 'tongue twister' game was embarrassed. The dad who didn't fast to the final point seemed uneasy. The mom who didn't want to dance gradually came back of the group after 1 song. 

Until then the gentleman gang were happy in their "politics"(office,state,country) discussion, women were happy in chit-chatting, most important children were playing in thier own world(Not disturbing their mothers ofcourse). I don't know why these 'Anchor-in-a-party-is mandatory' trend became viral, I am not judging their capability to run a program on track.

However when I brush my childhood memories, I remembered an incident. When i was in 5 th class I went for a relative wedding, whom i didn't know till then. I thought it would be boring day ever. Luckily I befreinded a girl from groom's side, played with her, talked with her, made some funny weird rules to play plastic-glass-jumping game. I still remember the fun that day.

Another incident, happend when we went to attend another Pooja in some relatives home. All the elders went into some chores, talks. I sat with my cousins and we spoke to life. 

I remember the "close-relationship talks" during all my childhood. Till today I remember the games & time spent during the festivals, functions, marriages, even mournings(Yes we played&joked around during my grandma's death)

The thing I wanted to say is, we used to talk, play, fight,whatnot everything except going to parents, watch TV/mobile. Even today when we meet I don't think we will be on our phones.

As for my next generation considered, most of them are forgetting how to play by themselves. During my childhood, we used to feel its an insult to go to an elder for idea.

Now-a-days kids are coming to their Mom or Dad to ask what they should play. Fortunately,some kids who are becoming leaders for this type of gang and they are showing a direction to play/talk.

Destructing the left creativity in children, I feel these anchors are not letting them playthe games.

I understand for a corporate event or an event with large number of people, they need an anchor, but why birthday parties, family functions?

We are friends& family right! We dont need another person to force us to talk,dance or play. We can do it by ourselves. 

Our kids dont need anyone to direct what to do especially in functions, marriages. They can& they should think of themselves. 

We already destroyed their creative ability, playing ability when they are alone at home,by giving mobile phone in hand. Why to destroy when the other kids are around?

Children need children to play, and they don't need instructions. 

For 6 or 8 hours in school they are under teacher's control, after that they wil be under our control, sometimes they need to be free.

How many of us felt uncomfortable when we go to our relatives/friends house? We need to adjust according to their lifestyle, their timings, as soon as we come home, we feel free.

We can enjoy there, still we will be under some conditions.

I feel the same when anchor does something.

If we had given time to talk with others obviously fun is on the way.

This makes me think of another way! Are we not talking to others so that some other person has to come and make us talk? 

POWER OF BOREDOM

In today's fast-paced world filled with screens, activities, and constant stimulation, boredom might seem like an unwelcome guest. However, upon closer examination, boredom emerges not as a foe but as a valuable ally in a child's development. This article delves into the significance of boredom in children's lives, its benefits, and practical ways to leverage it for their growth and creativity.

The Nature of Boredom:

Boredom is often misunderstood as mere idleness or lack of stimulation. In reality, it's a complex emotional state characterized by a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from a lack of interest or challenge in one's surroundings. While it may seem like a negative experience, boredom serves a crucial purpose in cognitive and emotional development.

Benefits of Boredom:

1. Stimulates Creativity: When children are bored, their minds are free to wander and explore new ideas. Without external distractions, they're more likely to tap into their imagination and come up with innovative solutions to entertain themselves.

2. Fosters Self-Reflection: Boredom provides an opportunity for introspection. Children can reflect on their interests, goals, and emotions, leading to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

3. Encourages Independence: In the absence of structured activities, children learn to rely on themselves for entertainment. This fosters independence and self-reliance, valuable skills that will serve them well throughout life.

4. Enhances Problem-Solving Skills: When faced with boredom, children are motivated to find ways to alleviate it. Whether it's building a fort with household items or inventing a new game, they exercise their problem-solving abilities and resourcefulness.

5. Promotes Resilience: Dealing with boredom teaches children that not every moment needs to be filled with excitement or entertainment. They learn to tolerate discomfort and boredom, building resilience in the face of challenges.

Harnessing the Power of Boredom:

1. Create Unstructured Time: Allow children to have periods of unstructured time where they're free to explore and play without specific instructions or agendas.

2. Provide Open-Ended Toys and Materials: Offer toys and materials that encourage open-ended play and creativity, such as blocks, art supplies, or outdoor exploration tools.

3. Limit Screen Time: Excessive screen time can diminish a child's tolerance for boredom and hinder their ability to engage in imaginative play. Set reasonable limits on screen time to encourage other forms of entertainment.

4. Encourage Outdoor Play: Nature provides endless opportunities for exploration and discovery. Encourage children to spend time outdoors, where they can engage their senses and connect with the world around them.

5. Be a Boredom Role Model: Children often mimic the behavior of adults. Show them that it's okay to embrace boredom by modeling healthy ways to cope with it, such as reading, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying quiet moments of reflection.

Boredom is not something to be feared or avoided but embraced as a natural part of childhood. By understanding its benefits and providing opportunities for unstructured play and exploration, parents and caregivers can help children harness the power of boredom to foster creativity, independence, and resilience, laying the foundation for a lifetime of learning and growth.

THE POWER OF NO

On the otherday when I was in shopping, I saw a mother and son duo doing their grocery shopping. Their kart is full of groceries, home decor, biscuits etc.

In the stationery section, the son saw a small cute book of Rs.15 worth. He asked his mother , she said delibratly a NO, "why do you want all these?" She was very furious. The little boys face went very sad and angry, immediately he shouted at her and started to cry.

This reminded something of me few years ago. When we go some where or when we are at home also I used to say "NO" frequently. Unconciously I used to say. Whatever she does or asks I say NO.

When she jumps from bed, I say No

When she asks for a toy, I say No

When she throws something on the floor, I say No

When she asks for some water for painting, I say No

I used to say No just because what if she spills, made dirty, hurt herself, asks more costly items, destroys a good toy, these were my concerns. However the response NO, increased her tantrums.

She thought of I am resisting her every desire and made an impression that I always say No to anything.

One day I read an amazing book called " Your child is your parent" written by Manoj J Lekhi.

This book discuss about YES Parenting. This book has changed my way of talking to my child. Unconsciously I did more No than Yes. For her small tasks, small desires I started saying yes.

If she spills something or if she is trying to break a toy, made dirty, asks something costly I stopped saying No, and giving a reaction. Took 2,3 seconds gap and made my reaction accordingly with a normal tone.

If she asks for some flour to make a dough, or she wants to help in kitchen, I wouldnt deny her because she will lose her enthusiasm. Similarly for things like helping in kitchen with shelf organisation, running around the house, she may get hurt or make mess, but its not more than her joy.

If she asks for a toy, I say "Yes..but...." or "Yes..Instead you can choose..."

This kind of change in vocabulary made her tantrums less.

 I found what triggers her more. During shopping, if she asks for a less amount of thing like a 10rs notepad, or 50rs stickey notes I started to say yes. I know it will go waste, but when compared to her tantrum, it is better.

I am not saying to buy everything they want. But saying yes to small things periodically, will change their mindset and decrease their tantrums.

If you think anyway your house will be mess, then there is no problem of giving them some pulses for her play kitchen.

If you think that 50Rs won't change your budget much then there is no problem of having one more cellotape.

If you think the kid didn't had an ice-cream from a long time, whats is the problem of taking her to an ice-cream parlour.

After all they are kids! They are messy, loud, speak their mind.

Moreover, the kids are more intelligent than you. If you say no and because of their tantrum, you say yes, which gives them a signal that "my parents have a breakpoint and I need to crack it"

This is what we dont need. As a parent we need to have our power for our NO.

Even we say No, we need to say that in a normal voice, that why you cant give that and replacement for their desire.

My intension is not saying Yes or No everytime. It differs from family to family.

Know your child, know their triggers, know their mentality. Make an impression that yes means yes, no means no.

No yes after a no

No no after an yes.

Happy motherhood!!

SMALL CHANGES

"Get up!! Its already late"

" Hurry school gate is closing"

"Eat quickly, we are getting late"

"Can you dress up fast, we can talk afterwards" 

These are the common dialouges in the morning which you can hear in our house, with my daughter.

Yes. Time is everything, we need to be punctual to school, dance classes, else the time will be wasted. We should prioritize our time, we can talk during travel,we can do things if my kid gets ready quickly. 

Prioritising, organising time is the best way to utilise time. For many days I thought like this.

One day I couldn't get up on usual time, so I had to sacrifice my Me-time. This made me think of my daughter. 

If I needed some time to do my routine with some me time, then my daughter also need some time to talk with me, when she gets up, and it is as important as waking up. It is part of her routine. Late mornings minimised her talking time, which is triggering her, and making her to continue in bad mood with me. 

Like me she wants talk time, me time, all these should be in relaxing mode, not in a hurry.

To change this I made a small change. I started waking up 10 minutes before her usual time. This 10 minutes gained me her talk time which lifted her mood throughout the day and avoided unnecessary chaos. 

Even I thought of extra 5 min sleep for her, it is making extra grumpy mood. Even she feels lazy, or want some relaxing time, I start 10-15min of usual start time. This made me realise my motherhood is continuous learning process. Even 1 minute changes will help to change our moods.

TOP 11 MOM HACKS FOR PRE SCHOOLERS

When your kids are in super rush for playing or school, what they will call?? "Mommm....". Is the life of a mom is easy? Never, as the age of kid grows the dealings with their children challenges moms everytime. Here are some mom hacks to calm your preschool kid to have some breath time when they throw a tantrum.

• Emergency kit for boredom: Kids usually get bored easily. Get some handy games ready, which doesnot involve physical activity, like simon says, or any funny incident of your or theirs, which can grab their attention immediately (I say create one!!!),or some kind if games that doesnt involve outdoor like hopscotch(draw one in your living room), hand fight, roleplays, imaginary professions, or some brain teasers, puzzles, tongue twisters can help you before they throw a tantrum. While you are travelling these type of verbal games  can come for rescue. 

• Preplan: Its like a roller coaster ride  when you have kids around, managing household chores (if you are working then office work), kids school, attending other people at home. Nothing goes as per plan, still when you make a plan, atleast if one goes as per plan, you can be happy. Have a clear idea about wht to cook, how to engage kids, prioritize the chores for the next day.
• Rotate toys:  Here is the important hack for moms. Dont give whole lot of toys to kids everytime. Hide some of them, and give it when they are bored of the present toys. Likewise you can hide color pencils or crayons or anything. It will make your life easy. If possible talk with your apartment or community moms and rotate toys with others. If you are okay you can donate some of the toys to other kids.
• Have routine: It is better to have a routine rather than to start from planning the day. It makes people in house will know what you will do in a purticular time. Kids also will be able to understand what mom will do.
• Seem effortless: Dear mothers, you will look beautiful when you smile. Everyone in the home know you work 24/7, don't say them everytime when they are not helping you. From the moment you tell them, you become a nagging mom. It is not like you dont have right to express your feelings, you can tell them, but it is for our own peace of mind. If you are frustrated, find another way to manage your anger. Whatever you do, seem them effortless. You can be a role model for your kids.
• Pick your battles: Not everyone/everything is worth of your energy and time. Learn to let go!!
• Give everything a place: Even you are Working mother or Stay-at-home-mother the problem comes when the home is messy. If you are okay with it then no problem, but when you are purticular then the problem comes. Best solution is give everything a place and let everyone know it should be kept in its place after use.
• Meal Prep: When you have toddlers around it is almost impossible to cook at a strech. So do the meal prep, like chopping veggies, gringing, or planning breakfast, or buying the ingredients, in your free time.
• Find your let out/backup: Whatif you dont like to cook for a day? Or want to take out yourself for a date? Take help of your mother, sister or friends for a day. If you want to talk to about your feelings then you need a trusted person. Find your immediate go-to person, which is best for your mental health.
• Learn everyday: No your life is not only revolve around kids and family, brush up your hobbies or learn new hobbies, which can fill your soul. Ask your kids what mom do? Only cook,clean, work? Sometimes you need to set inspiration for your kids. I know a mother who learnt her car driving in her late 30's just  when her son asked whether she is capable of driving or not? Her son was surprised when she drove car to pick him up from school. Learn everyday!!
• Engage them in your chores: The best way to have quality time and engage them at the same time is to assign them some household chores. It is not like assign them like jail warden but make them to do in a playful way!! Try saying "Lets do a colorful roti today, can you bring some orange color vegetable in theP. fridge".. While you are cooking. It works like a magic.
• Dont be available for kids all the time: During this pandamic children are so much attached to mothers. They are not interested to meet other person. I met few mothers who complain about this. The dependency on mothers percentage had grown abnormally. The only thing you need to do for this is to let the kids play individually for some time or let them play in group(in a normal conditions..of course!!) 

P.S. : Bonus Hack: Have an extra bandaid in your hand bag. We don't know what kids do anytime. It may not reduce the pain, but it gives them a psychological soothing. Whenever my daughter comes to me that she got hurt, and I give her band aid, she goes happily that it will take care of her "boo-boo". Sometimes being mom is so easy!!

Happy motherhood!!

తెలుగు వాళ్ళ హిందీ కష్టాలు

"దేశ భాషలందు తెలుగు లెస్స" అన్నారు రాయల వారు. ఈ విషయం తెలుగు రాష్ట్రం లోనే చెప్పినట్లు న్నారు. అందుకే హిందీ కి ఉన్న గుర్తింపు తెలుగుకి లేదు. మిగతా రాష్ట్రాలలో హిందీ దే పై చెయ్యి. ఒక హిందీ రాని తెలుగు వ్యక్తి వేరే రాష్ట్రం వెళితే అక్కడ ఎదురయ్య కొన్ని కష్టాలు:
1.  వాహన చోదకులు(car/auto drivers) 

అసలు సమస్య ఇక్కడే మొదలవుతుంది. వాళ్లకి మనకీ ఒకటే పోలిక. వాళ్ళకి ఇంగ్లీషు, మనకి హిందీ  అంతంత మాత్రంగానే వచ్చు. పోనీ ఏదో మనకి వచ్చిన హిందీ ఇంగ్లీష్ మిక్సి లో వేసి అడ్రస్ చెప్తే "నాయే ఆయీ? హిందీ నహీ జాంతీ?" అంటూ మనల్ని అవమానం చేసేస్తాడు. 

పైగా కొందరయితే హిందీ రాదురా మహానుభావా అంటే క్యాబ్ ఎక్కిన దగ్గర నుండి లోడ లోడా వాగుతూనే ఉంటారు. ఆ ఊరి గొప్పతనం, దాని పూర్వాపరాలు ఇంకా ఏదేదో చెప్పడానికి ప్రయత్నిస్తూ ఉంటారు.  మనం తెల్ల మొహం వేస్కుని తల ఊపడమే!!

2. నేస్తులు (collegues)

ఇక్కడ ఇంకో దారి ఉంది. ఇంగ్లీష్ లో మాట్లాడవచ్చు. కానీ ఈ హిందీ వాళ్ళు ఉన్నారే! వీళ్ల దుంపలు తెగ, హిందీ లోనే మాట్లాడతారు. ఇంగ్లీషు లో మొదలెట్టినా హిందీ లో కి జంప్ చేస్తారు.ఏదో నలుగురితో మాట్లాడదాం అనుకుంటే వీళ్లేమో ఇలా ఏడిపించేస్తారు.

3. పనిమనుషులు(Helpers)

వీళ్ళ తో ఎంత తక్కువ మాట్లాడితే అంత మంచిది. ఎందుకంటే వీళ్ళు ఒక్కోసారి గ్రాంథిక హిందీ లోకి వెళ్ళారంటే ఆ సునామీ ని తట్టుకోవడం మన వల్ల కాదు. తిడుతున్నారో, పొగుడుతూ ఉన్నారో తెలియదు.

4. సినిమాలు

కొన్ని హిందీ  సినిమాలు ఉంటాయి, ఎక్కడ మనలాంటి వాళ్ళకి అర్థం ఐపోతుందో అని తీసినట్టు ఉంటాయి. డైలాగులు అర్థం కావు,పాటలు అర్థం కావు, ఏదో కష్టపడి వాళ్ళ బాడీ లాంగ్వేజ్ తో సినిమా అర్థం చేసుకుందాం అంకుంటాం! మన పక్కన వాళ్ళు ఊరుకొనిస్తేనా? మధ్యలో జోకులకి నవ్వుతూ ఉంటారు. సెంటిమెంట్ సీన్లు వస్తే ఏడుస్తారు. గీత లో చెప్పినట్టు మనం నవ్వుకి ఏడుపుకి అతీతంగా సినిమా చూస్తాం.

5. స్నేహితులు

కొన్ని బలీయమైన పరిస్థితులలో మన స్నేహితుల కుటుంబం ని కలవాల్సి వస్తుంది.

 ఇది నరకం!! ఒక్క హిందీ నే తట్టుకోలేం అనుకుంటే, అక్కడ కుటుంబం కుటుంబం అంతా హిందీ ఏ. ఆ ఇంటి వాళ్ళు చాలా ప్రేమ తో మాట్లాడతారు,కానీ మనకి అర్థం కావాలి కదా! పక్కన ఎవరైనా హిందీ తెలిసిన వాళ్ళు ఉంటే వెళ్ళాలి తప్ప ఒక్కళ్ళు వెళ్ళమా. ఇక అంతే సంగతులు!!

ఇంకా కూరలు అమ్మే వాడు దగ్గర నుండి  కస్టమర్ కేర్  దాకా అందరూ మనకి హిందీ రాదని గుర్తుచేసే వాళ్ళే. అయినా తెలుగు వాళ్ళం తలచుకుంటే హిందీ నేర్చుకో లేమా చెప్పండి? అవసరం అయితే వాళ్ళకే తెలుగు నేర్పించే ద్దాం!!!


Gif Source: Google

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

   

 Tulasi is starting at the ceiling. " 90 days...90 days!!!", She muttered under her breath. She couldn't sleep properly. Its been 90 days Tulasi has seen her. " What's the matter with her?", Thought there hundred and twenty seventh time today.

           From her early teens Tulasi befriended her. With her Tulasi's life had become roller coaster ride. Tulasi laughed with her, cried with her, fought with her. She didn't changed her ways. She loves Tulasi and visited Tulasi every month. When she went, Tulasi used to think of her.

But now it's almost 3 months, no sign of her. Tulasi checked everything, the result is' negetive'. 

         Tulasi unconsciously took her mobile phone and opened front camera."Am I losing hair?" Tulasi checked her reflection. " Shit!!" Tulasi is in frustration. When she was there, she used to take care of Tulasi's hair, health, beauty, everything. Yes, she is little bit of hyppe, but inside she is sweet. She wanted Tulasi to be herself. She made decisions on Tulasi's behalf, when she is around. She is such a charm, that Tulasi don't want to go anywhere. She transformed lazy Tulasi to fitness-freak Tulasi. But now Tulasi stopped doing Yoga(actually she don't want to), becoming more and more grumpy(may be because of her friend's absense).

             Tulasi thought one more time, " where is she when I needed her most??  Hmmm... This is it..I am going to meet Dr. Niranjana and find where she is". Tulasi couldn't go to sleep that night. Tulasi woke up and checked all her ultra sound scanning reports are in place or not and packed that in the bag. All set for tomorrow's appointment. Tulasi got back to her bed and tried to shut eyes as well as her thoughts. 

            The report says " Impression of Polycystic ovary syndrome" 

For the last time she whispered " Where have you been my friend..PERIOD?

P.S. Dedicated to all women out there fought or still fighting with PCOD/S. 

PCOD/S is not only one thing to deal with. Women has to deal with lots of mood swings, sleep deprivation, skin problems, infertility, hair loss, weight gain and many more.

7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE MOTHERS

Famous writer Steven Covey written 7 habits of highly effective people. I thought to focus these habits on mothers.

We mothers experience different emotions, at times nameless emotions too, while we have kids.

Mom guilt, chores anxiety, lacking me time, dont know when to start or where to start. So lets see how these habits can change our life styles, and making us more lovely, caring mothers.

1. Put end in mind:

Think of small issues we face everyday with them, and what it going to do in near future. For example, struggling for waking them up in the morning. You allowed them extra 30 min of play time last night or 'you' didnt finish your chores early last night, it effects the kids sleeping time, which results in their late wake up. Like this, everything related to kids are again connected with mothers. If we talk rude, they will talk rude. They catch up our words, behaviour quickly. But we are unaware of it, as it our unconcious doings. So while doing anything, remember that kids are watching, it will have an affect in their future.

2. First understand and then be:

The best gift you can give your kids is "time". Spend some time to understand, how they are growing,what is effecting them right now. The kids can be of any age, but when you spend time with them, it enhances your friendly connection with them. Which increases your chances of kids listening to you. Even if you give screen time to them, timely visits make them feel they are important to you. If possible be with them during screen time. Plan your day like you give alternate hours of being with them and playing individually.

3. Be proactive: 

Vote for yourself first while eating. Motherly love cannot eat if kid has not taken meal, but if moms didnot eat, they can't handle kids. Most of us think of eating after kids' meal. Early eating is always good for young mothers, especially when kids are fussy eaters. You need energy to feed them, you need energy to clean up their mess. Even my daughter was a fussy eater, she took minimum of 40 min time to eat her cerelac. Meanwhile I used to feel hungry, and I couldn't pause her food, as she would not eat again. So I followed this step, and found myself more energetic while feeding her, more stories, more fun during meals. With my enenrgy levels down, I will not be in a good mood or energetic, so I may prefer mobile phone to stories.

4. Put first things first:

To fight post partum blues, 'me time' helped a lot.  May be it is early morning or late night, choose to have atleast 30 minutes for yourself. Even if you child is a kid or grown up. With this you are teaching them to priority to themselves. There is lot of life beyond home. Atleast for 30 min a day take time to relax, or morning excercises, or simply sitting and enjoying.

5. Think Win-Win: 

General excuse that we say about spending time with kids is our busy schedule. But effective mothers find time for kids. For example share chores while you are at home. Ask them to place groceries in almirah, ask them to bring veggies from fridge, load the laundry, likewise according to their age you can assaign small tasks. Your chores will be shared, and you will spend some time with them also they learn something. Even the working women can follow this, you can have more family time other than weekends.

6. Sharpen the saw: 

In most of the cases environment and surroundings plays major role in the mental health.  If you are a mother who wears pyjamas all the day, try to change your habit. You may not dress like you are going to party. But you can dress smart, at home too. Feel the difference when you wear pyjamas and a regular dress. Pyjamas makes you more sluggish as the days pass by. Normal dreess make you less lazy.

So first prepare your mind, to be active, ideas come along.  Also make your living space or work space more pleasing. In the section sharpening the saw, you might think why space management or dresses come here. These will be one of the stepping stones for making your time effective with kids. It is like passing positive vibes to children too.

7. Synergize: 

While the kid is around, dont use your mobile or electronic gadget. It will make them feel unimportant and triggers them for their screen time. So find your time for scrolling instagrams or facebook when your kid is out of sight. So synchronise with kids timings and you will find quality time for them. Giving undivided attention to kid is the best gift one can give. 

As 'one-size-is-not-fit-for-all', the parenting tips will not be easy for all the mothers. But nothing wrong in trying it once. Feel the difference.

Happy motherhood!!

15 THINGS TO KNOW BY THE TIME YOU HIT 30

Thirty years is almost one third of human life. When you think of important things to learn, here we are:

1. Peace of mind: By the time you hit 30 you need to know everything happens for a reason and every reason is not your headache. You need to be less stressful than in your college life.
2. Financial independence: most important thing you need to achieved by the time you reach 30. Most of women don't have financial knowledge. You should know about interest rates, mutual funds, taxes. Don't leave everything on your husband. In India did you notice most of the women in late 50'sand 60's were dependent on their husbands for financial transactions. Even if they want to buy a saree they need to go to their husbands for money. Generation passed,now in this generation we were good at financial independence, but what about financial knowledge? Just paying the taxes and bills doesn't show your finacial skills. Know how you can save money legally. Know how to increase your money.
3. Partner: In the olden days girls got married at the age of 8 or 9. Gradually the age increased.Now the average age of educated women getting married is 27. Because of women empowerment, girls are looking forward for their career and they are making marriage as 2nd option. But women body is fruitile only for few years. After 30's the fertile system in women's body will not be as good as in teens. The success rates in Late marriages and late pregnancies are very less. If you want to lead a life with family, get married and have children at the age of early 20's. Click here to know more
4. A hobby: If your schooling was done without any specific hobby,time to get  one. If you left your hobby in school, start it again or wanting to try new one, try new. What ever the mood is,what ever the circumstances are, hobby will bring out the best time in your life.
5. Detachments: Its best to leave some tasks unattended. You must learn to leave unnecessary mental burden. Let go of things you cannot control and focus on what you can do.
6. Art of saying NO: There are ways to say no, without hurting others. Try!! 
7. Minimalism: It is the best thing you can do. If you are working women, you might think, I can buy anything I want. Buy think twice before buying anything for your home or taking a thought into your mind.
8. Pick your battles: Learn to differentiate who deserves explanation. You don't have to show up to every aurgument.
9. Health: We women neglect our health with ease. Initally for studies, or for career or for family. There are many women who makes their career/family as priority rather than making it health. Women's body type changes in different stages differently. So health should be your top most pripority. 
10. Exercise: Excercise can ease your flexibility. It can be yoga/gym/ simple walking can boost your metabolism and strength. Dont forget to sweat atleast 30min a day
11. Skin care: Who doesn't want to look young? Especially women!!! Skin care doesnt mean monthly facial, manicure. Go for natural methods, drink more water which moisturises your skin. Use oil and gram flour powder every week. Eat nutritious food which balances your system.
12. Spend time outdoor: We women need more calcium after 30's and for that, vitamin D is crucial. Vit D plays important medicine for depression and more swings. So get plenty of sunlight, spend time in sun. Click here to know importance of Vit D for new mothers
13. Introspection: It's good to check once in a while what's going on in your life and mind. Just give a pause and introspect whether you are on right path or not.
14. Save: Earning alone will not help you to achieve financial freedom. You need to learn where to save and where to spend. 
15. Feminity: The ability to take care, forgive others is given to women by birth. For sure we can do what a man can do, but we can do more than men. Without mother, a woman a home or a family will be incomplete. That is the power of women, feminity. Never lose it.

HOW LONG SHOULD I BEAR THIS?

Few years back I was traveling from Rajahmundry to vijayawada,I boarded some Mumbai train.I saw a lady in mid 20’s coming out of washroom. She grabbed collor of a guy and yelling. As I can't hear what she is saying, I didn't understand.  She was looking like educated girl and that guy is uneducated.

After that she came to the seat which is opposite to me. She is very furious. I asked what happened,she started telling what was happened. That guy who is coming in opposite direction to this girl, touched her body while crossing.

I was really impressed by what that girl did. She's traveling alone, and have the courage to face the problem she had. I asked her about the happening. She narrated whole incident and she asked me a question"How long should we bear this?". I didn't answer.

So many incidents like this I saw and happened to me and also my girl friends. But none reacted like this. Generally girls don't like to respond in this type of situation, may be because of surroundings or grown up environment.

It happened 12/13 years ago but I still remember her courage and expression. 

After so many years, while I was traveling alone in a bus at night time, a guy from back seat started touching me inappropriatly. 

I asked question to myself, "How long should I bear this?" Where i got that courage i don't know, I took a pin from my hand bag and stabbed (imagining it is a knife) twice. And I stood up and scolded that guy infront of everyone.

When I pointed him infront of everyone, he couldn't lift his face, and got down in the next stop. 

That night I thanked that girl in train. 

STRUCK!!!

A skype call of three college friends after a decade of their graduation.

"Hi all", said Laxmi,"How are you doing". Laxmi is a working woman with a kid.

"All good" said Sandhya. She is a homemaker with 2 kids.

"After long time", asked lalitha, with slightly American accent. She resides in USA.

"It's been two months we spoke to each other, you and Laxmi might be in touch", said Lalitha about Sandhya.

"We may seem to be in same time zone, but her timings are different from me", said Laxmi merrily.

"Don't blame me, you will be busy until Lalli calls us", said Sandhya in a self defence mode. 

"Okok..no fightings!! What else Sandhya, I saw your drawings in your whatsapp status. Any new ones?"

Sandhya showed her new drafting to her friends. 

"And Lalli, when are you planning to come to India?",both of them asked.

"Not this year, my husband is planning a trip to Europe." Said Lalitha.

"A good news from my side too. We bought a new car a week back", Laxmi showed her new car to her friends. 

Later they spoke about cars,europe trips,kids achievements for another half an hour and hung up.

Laxmi:

Sandhya is lucky, she has time for kids and also she has time to pursue her hobbies. I am struck up with this job, except on the salary day I don't find any good about this. I am struck in this cage forever.

Laxmi lost in her thoughts about last week how she couldn't attend a family function, while her cousins enjoyed that function. Rest of the day she is thinking of Sandhya.

Lalitha:

Laxmi is lucky, her parents stay with her. I need to wait for another one and half year to process visa for my parents, next year Arvind's (husband)parents will be visting us. Now I couldn't go back to India, as my son's education cannot be changed. I am struck in this cage forever!!

She is thinking about her friends how they are fortunate to be in India, with parents and domestic helps.

Sandhya:

I shouldn't have left my career. Since morning to midnight, I take responsibility of everything in this house, but everyone thinks I am sitting ideally at home. Just to get some time for myself, forcibly I am taking off from these household chores. No recognition no salary, I am struck in this cage!!

She is thinking about how they are financially independent her friends are.

Still their lives went on...

THINGS INTROVERTS DO!!

"Send me your phone number to add it in our community whatsapp group." My neighbour called out after our society meeting. I smiled and gave thumbsup. After reaching home, I sent my husbands number to her to add in society whatsapp group. I hi-fied mentally to myself for avoiding all the discussions. Then I wanted to write what other things we introverts do!!

• Avoid college and office functions by making an excuse that I'm terribly ill.
• Any special occasions and festivals. Deactivate facebook to avoid unnecessary tagging.

• Sharing is confined to “only me” on face book.
• Uncheck read recipts on whatsapp.

• Anybody calls, wait till call ends by itself and make an excuse that phone was in charging or silent.

• Prefer early mornings or mid nights, which will be peaceful time while everyone is sleeping.

• Whenever relatives visits, going into kitchen and do anything or else bury my head in a book or cellphone.
• In Group chats maintain a good name as sleeping member.
• We like savasana in yoga more than any pose.
• Any compulsary birthday wishes? Wish them personally on text rather than in Group.
• Talk to self in every situation.
• Maintaining journals.. Digital or dairies
  
• Inner me is more sarcastic than outer me.
• Need to take decision? Talk to self or write the possible outcomeson paper, make statistics, do calculations or even trigonometry on paper and make a decision.

• Introverts prefer writing or reading than talking or posting in social media.
• Weekend plans? Eat. Read. Sleep. Repeat.
• Change of plans? Stare at wall or ceiling for hours.


Introverts have an opinion on everything, but they don't believe in expressing. It's not about fear or unknown thing. But for the love for themselves.
Happy introverting!!

WHAT KIDS WANT FROM PARENTS?

When the lockdown continued and schools were shut down, I got time (may be more) to spend with my child and observe her needs.

1. Time:

Who doesn't want time? The more time you give them, the more confident they grow. Spend time with them. When the lockdown extended, I thought some screen time will let my daughter happy. I was wrong!! She likes spending more time with me. Whenever I let her watch some cartoons on laptop, while I was doing some chores,  she always asks me when will I finish my work. Even the reason behind her crankiness is, not spending enough time with her in a day. 

2. Touch:

Our antropology says, we have an animal nature in expression of love, that is by touch. The important communication between parents and child in the early ages. Appropriate touch like hug, pat on the back, can speak more than words. 

3. Trust:

I don't believe parents should be with kids in every situation. However, when they truly need parents, parents should be there to count on. When your kid come and say "my friend broke my toy", how many of you questioned " what did you do first?". Yes it is the first question we ask them, which gives them a message 'I am not trusting you'. When they jump off the sofa and get hurt, we say "I said, you will break your leg, don't jump here after" intead of " Careful". Is it how we show our trust? Show the trust you have, as a parent you know where to draw the line between adventure and danger!

4. Security:

Many incidents happening around us, which made parents trust no one(sometimes father/mother also). Physical, psychological and sexual security are needed. When ever a kid gets hurt psychologically or physically their first go-to must be his/her parents. If a child thinks, 'my problem makes no sense to my parents', is it not a parenting failure?

5. Positive environment:

Imagine the situation of parents always fighting with each other or bad mouthing about others, those are never positive signs for kids. Kids always learn from how parents behave/talk, not what parents taught them. Using bad words, or bad behaviour around them should not be allowed. Because we are producing next generation, we need to filter some of our core opinions or behaviours which may cause damage to them. But the saddest part is even the parents don't know their behaviour will cause adverse effects. I will discuss this point in some other time. As of know, we need to give the kids happy childhood, without any childhood traumas. I know a girl whose parents used to fight infront of her daily in her childhood. The fight between them may be small one and they may compromise after that, however the child couldn't forget the incident. As she grew she always had trust issues with every person she met.

6. Story:

I think story telling will be most effective communication with children. Usually I summarise my child's behavior in a day and I give ideas, or suggestions or sometimes the results through stories. Seehere for how story time worked for me kid. 

I accept parenting is not one-size-fit-for-all. There will be mistakes, there will be warm moments, there will be adventures, there will be don't know what to do times. But as a parent we wanted to give best to children. Try to include the above list along with what you give. 

OPINIONS ON DAUGHTERS!!!

Friends:

“What type of friends do you have, they don't even wear bindi on their forehead!!!”

“Stay away from boys!! You don't know how they will change..”

Education:

“Do engineering!! You will settle soon.. Doctors will get married in late 20’s. Yours will be late marriage. Marriage is important for a girl”

“Education loan!!! What are you talking?? Will you go to your in law's house with loan. How can we face them? Dont even think of that!! Stop studying.”

Relation:

“What people will think?”

“ Manavallena? ( Is he from our caste?)”

Marriage:

“How many years you will study? First get married, after that do what ever you want”

“Still you are allowed to sleep with stranger, but don't marry whom you love”

Kids:

“You should be planning for kids, its 1month since you got married.”

“You are more naughtier than your kids. Dont blame them”

Makeup: 

Behind us: "Look how gaudy her lipstik is!!"

Infront of us: Beta your lipstick is too good!!

BEGINNERS GUIDE FOR HOME SCHOOLING

Schools might reopen in september or october, many parents are in confusion whether to send their preschoolers to school or not. Parents who are comfortable with online classes may not prefer this article, but if are looking for home schooling options, then you are on right site. 

I started home schooling my kindergarten kid this year. When I started, I had lots of questions and practical problems, because I was not confident about my teaching skills at that time. Overcoming the problems one by one I got some hope that I can teach my child. Let me share my experiences with you, it might help some of you with an idea of home schooling.

• Start where you are:

When I searched for home schooling options, and its requirements, I got suggestions to buy a printer, coloured charts, and many other pre requisites. But during the initial lockdown, for me it was practically impossible to buy even coloured charts.  So, I used crayons and color pencils which I already had, and some of the un used cardboards for teaching my kid. I used live vegetables and fruits instead of charts. I used sky and clouds for explaining weather. So dont be scared of starting your home school, you can start with what you have. 

• Take help:

If you don't have any idea of their curriculum, take help from the internet or their school teachers. Mostly for preschoolers, writing skills and identifying are important aspects to throw light on. So I found it easy.

• Go with the pace of your kid:

One of the best thing about home schooling is the teacher can go in student pace. You can personally check and teach them according to their interest and ability to learn. I designed a time table, according to her interest I start schooling.

• Timely evaluation:

Generally in the schools, the evaluation will be done quarterly, monthly, or yearly. But when you are schooling at home you can get clear idea where your child lags or where they can excel.

• It's okay to break!!:

If you are not from teaching background, kindergarten teaching is not as easy as you think. You may have mood swings or your kids might not be interested, be prepared. In that time its okay to take a break. Take a break and start slowly.

• Create routine:

For kids, creating routine may take time, when they are habituated they can follow it more than you. Create a routine for home school and let them understand that you will be the teacher for them. Initially try to make them sit for 15 minutes in hime school, and gradually increase the time. Now my daughter will be in home school for 1.30 hours. Generally I let her choose what she wants to do in the school. 

• Believe in your kid and have faith

Preschool kids take time to adapt to this new method, so have faith in your kids. They might get bored, as they will be only kid on the class. Say them after the pandemic they can join their friends. 

• Design your own syllubus:

Along with their curriculum, add extra curricular activities according to their intrest. Like I have added yoga, and music in her syllubus.

• Go creative:

Preschool kids love singing rhymes than sitting and writing. So create some games so that they can learn while playing.

I created a game of clapping alternate hands and saying numbers. 

The only things you need for home schooling are patience and creativity. Don't forget to appriciate your kid's efforts to cope up in this pandamic situation, give them a STAR. Let your little one stay safe at home and also learn at same time. 

GRANNY'S TALES-FOOD (PART-4)

 

 My granny about "Touch"

My granny about "Water"

My granny about "Sun"

Did your granny scolded you for not bathing before food? Did she scolded you for bathing after food? 

Almost everyone has this experience when granny was around. I already mentioned you my granny used to bath 3 times a day even in summer water scarcity. I used to pull her leg by saying "Just because of your bathing tradition, we got water scarcity".

She used to laugh heartily, "You should take bath before you cook, the taste will be effected by that. You know why prasadams given in temple are more delicious than our home made recipies,it is all because of good vibrations while making prasadam ".

The way she touches the vegetables or rice, was like she touches us(grand children), with such a love and affection. She makes finger licking food for everyone, even the veggies are bad. We couldnot get that taste with same ingredients and same process..That is the magic of grandmothers!!!!

She hated the idea of wasting food. She always said "If you were intrested to take food, then nothing will be extra dose", by placing one more ladle of rice into my plate. 

"Don't watch tv, while having meals!!! Concentrate on meals". It was the last time she warned me. I was very proud of my self at that time, for my multi tasking abilities (eating and watching TV at the same time).

But I was wrong!!! 

Nowadays everyone is taking about 'Consious eating', that was proposed by grannys long back. 

Concentration on food, helps in boosting your digestion.

She always said "Annam parabrahma swaroopam", means food is God!!

Eat the food with gratitude. 

She had restrictions while having food too. "Never speak bad words during eating, it will have effect on digestion. We are not dogs to fight during eating, let go your negetive emotions for now, after food you can be grumpy again" 

She used to fast on every ekadasi(11th day in Moon cycle). She used to take only liquids during the day, and surprisingly, she was active on that days. We used to have fatigues even after postponing snacks. For this her answer was spiritually connected," You should fast atleast 2 times a month, it makes you feel light. What else I want in this age!! Chanting the names of Him, will feed my soul"  

One day my friend came to my home, I was eating at that time. My granny was there, she almost thrown my friend out of the house, and seriously warned her not to come during meals time. I was embrassed at that time, immidietly I finished my lunch and ran behind my friend. I was furious on granny, and like everytime she shut my mouth with her magic. " Never allow others to come to your place of eating or sleeping, if they have bad vibrations, your life will be effected by their evil-eye", she said while cleansing evil eyes (Drusti) with rock salt.

I asked her, "Granny, why do you link everything to food!? You should not speak, you should concentrate, you need to eat out with good vibrations!!! Why all these?? "

"Because without food you cannot survive. And the food you take becomes You", she answered with her as usual graceful smile. 

For more interesting reads sign me up!!! 

IS IT TIME FOR HOME SCHOOLING??

Are you studying kindergaten again? Don't know why you are sitting next to your littleones during online classes?? Even don't know why they need online classes for kindergarten?? Thinking of sending to school or not after lockdown?? Welcome to club of confusing momma!!!

The corona and lockdown has changed many things in our daily life, including our kids routine and their school life.

New way of teaching through online, new apps for them, are making children to sit infront of digital devices. They may need it, but it costs child's digital time.

If the kids are able to concentrate on what teachers are saying, those kids might be okay with online classes.

However when it comes to kindergarten, only a teacher's physical presence can make them sit there. It is almost impossible in online classes. They are building virtual world around kids. Can't we introduce real world to them, may be this is the right time.

It's crucial age for kids until 6 years, their brain power was built over time, but the inital foundation takes place during early ages.

Enthusiasm created by teachers and company of other kids are only reasons for toddlers to sit in a classroom. Online classes doesnot fulfill this requirement.

My point is why to force them to sit in front of a digital device and learn? We can easily grab their attention by or physical presence and teach them in a more practical ways.

Yes we are not trained teachers, but the mothers are the one who taught them to speak, talk, behave, eat everything till now. Why can't we teach them simple language and small chores?

Another advantage of home schooling is we can encourage them to learn local language/mother tongue and religious writings.

If you can teach them with more patience,

strong bonds can be created with kids.

Moreover we are not sure if we can send them to school even after lockdown. So why don't we use this time for home schooling? I'm not taking about working mothers here.  Because after lock down, mothers should go to office, home schooling will be out of question for them.

Let me discuss how home schooling will be.

Initially home schooling can be interesting,  but with time it is not as easy as it seems,  especially with toddlers. 

For that, mothers need a strong motivation and timely motivation for children.

Any project should have a strong plan and schedule. Being non professional teachers we can't always attract them to home school. This is where we need some experts opinion. You can get it from various sources like other teachers or internet.

So set schedule for kids, start with small, progress as you go, teach them learning is fun, lead them by example. Home schooling means constant learning, not only kids but also mothers.

Is it not the right time to home school them??

LOCK DOWN STORIES

Tik tikk..tik tikkk..tik tikkk.

I woke up lazily. "Even in lock down, is it necessary to wake up at 5.00AM??" My mind is suggesting me to go to bed.

In a slight confusion I woke up, for fresh air I went to my balcony. We have an apartment on the other side of the road and it is visible from our balcony.

That apartment's watch man is sweeping the road and its front area. We have large trees on the road side, so the dried leaves will accumlate so fast. 

I went back to my routine, and had a look at that apartment while sipping my ginger tea. That area was clean, there is no single dried leaf on the road or front area of that apartment. 

You can tell that he is very conscious and committed to that work, just by seeing that street. Whatever be the reason behind it, the area is clean. 

From that day I observed that part of the road was all clean by 6AM or 6.30 AM, even on weekends.

The whole world is in pandamic, everyone talking about depression by being at home. 

Everyone is saying this lockdown has decreased their willlingness to do their regular chores. 

When you are this much concsious about your work as the watchman, you can't be depressed.  

He excelled in street sweeping. No one can beat him in sweeping. This boosts some confidence in him right?? 

I never know he likes working as sweeper or not, still he is doing best and it was excellent. 

Some of you can argue "Is street sweeping a great deed, why are you so obsessed with it??"

But I learnt a lesson.

When you can't love what you are doing, how can you love what you want to do???

The sentence is little bit confusing, read it again!!

 

ITS OKAY!!!

As lockdown continued, my social media feed is flooded with my friends and family latest updates. 

Almost all your friends and familes are also posting their hobby updates, learning new hobbies, brushing their old hobbies, learning new languages or spending a productive time. 

I am really happy what they are doing, and I wish they continue.

I have no problem with their productive plans, but my shoutout is for the people who are not spending time productively, as per the social media noms.

Its okay if you are not learning some course in this lockdown.

Its okay if you are not doing any excercise/yoga for physical fitness.

Its okay if you are not doing any diet, having your meal which is satisfying for your tummy.

Its okay if you are watching films in your room.

Its okay if you are playing with your kids.

Its okay if you are piled up with househols chores and office work.

Its okay if your house is messy.

Its okay if you shout at kids.

Its okay if you were allowing screen time for them.

Everyone is in lockdown situation.No one knows how to handle this. Even if your friends are spending their time productively, don't let them rush you. They also may have difficult situations, but they wont post them on social media. 

So be like what you want, be non-productive, be a non-multitasker, be a messy mom, handle meltdowns of your baby while you are answering a office call. Live life one day at a time.!!!

GRANNY'S TALES- SUN (PART-3)

Click here for Part-1

Click here for Part-2

Welcome back to Granny's tales.

This month I am going to tell you how my Granny is associated with Sun. 

My grandmother used to call the Sun as "Pratyaksha Narayanudu" which means "Visible God".

She designed her chores according to Sun's movement. 

Her every action is useful for today's situation. Especially when this Covid-19 is extending its hands all over world. 

In her total life she never woke up after sun rise. Many of your grand mothers and grand fathers used to say "Never sleep after sunrise" remember?? 

The modern science got to know our ancestral rituals are way for healthy life. My granny used to say "When you brush your teeth after sunrise your teeth will be broken."
"How come sun can break my tooth? if I am aged, then naturally I will lose my teeth, why to worry to wake up early? This was my argument.
Till her day of death, she never fell ill. She always said "Sun is energy. Pray to him".

 Her idea was to make me spend more time with morning sun. But I used to spend it on bed. 

When I came to know the positivity and freshness in the morning sun, daily I am remembering my granny.
Everyday she woke up before sunrise, mostly at 5 AM, finishes her bathing, and cleaning of house, and started cooking for all of us. Her positive nature reflected in food too. Not a single day her food was tasteless.
One more thing she always insisted was, cleaning the house before sunrise.

My granny termed cleaning house after sunrise as"Daridram", which she probably meant Negetivity in house.

Whem she was in her late 60's, she was unable to sleep during night, however her wake up time didn't changed. 

Every day she used to study "Aditya hridayam" and made me learn that. She always said "Aditya hridayam brings you health and happiness. Whenever your mind is disturbed read this one, you will be relieved from stress. Believe in God, if you cannot believe what you see infront of your eye, how can you believe power within you? Sun is creating food for you, with his power, pray him"

Her home made sun-dried chips were the best chips.

Even she used sun for getting rid of aroma in jars, melt her solidified ghee. 

She insisted her grandson who was born with jaundice to expose to morning sunlight for few days right after he was born.

Vitamin D is best medicine for children who were born with jaundice. She knows it as simple act,just by spending some time under Sun.

My granny is a middle class house wife from an orthodox family. Her educational background is also not strong. But she knows how to make her family healthy through natural resources. 

What did your Granny say about Sun?

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